1 Tim 4:5

Today was Rough. I know what you're thinking, what could i possibly have to say!? But tis true, there is more.

Today i woke up to the sounds of many voices around. I am a pretty observant person and i know that my grandma is very overwhelmed with life and just extremely tired. For the last 3 months she has been driving back and forth from the hospital staying there all day, then coming home at night, just to turn around and do it again. I would be tired, anyone would be. imagine being 80 something and problems of your own. needless to say, shes exhausted.

So as i hear grandpa is leaving on his walk i go out because some people had left. Well, my grandmother in a panic started to yell at me to put it plainly. Remember those combs i cleaned out, well i left the ones that where on the counter out, and had cleaned the other 34 that were stuffed in draws. Well apparently ONE of those combs was his favorite. She found it, so all was fine, but it gave her the chance to say to me what she wants to say to everyone else. So of course i tried to explain to her that she knows that's not true, and i am the last person that is here to order her around and tell her she is doing a bad job. Then i walked away.

and cried, for i don't know, what seemed like hours. My Uncle showed up with 3 of his girls, i wanted to be happy but man it was bad timing. So he figured out something was wrong with Grandma and talked to her, then came to find me crying in my room. He talked to me, and my Aunt came in to talk to me and tell me to not worry about it, and some other stuff but i don't want to make this a novel.

My grandma came in later to apologize. She felt awful, and i explained to her that i am not here for grandpa, that's what the caregiver is for, i am just here to help her get some rest, clean, cook if they need that so in a month when i leave it will make her life that much easier. and she knew that, she is just so tired. My uncle told her she could probably sleep for 3 days at this point. insert more crying here.

So therefore i left to go over to my uncles house and hang with his family, my 4 cousins and my Aunt. Plus her two sisters came over and some other family for fathers day. We ate, played apples to apples, which is fun, and just chatted. It was nice to get out of the house, but i was in a pretty somber mood the whole day. What is it that my uncle said to me, "no good deed goes unpunished."

oh boy. So yeah. Today has been tough. I am still sort of in a mood... maybe because now i don't feel comfortable with a lot of things. I overheard my grandma saying she didn't want to lose me, which she wont but now its trying extra hard not to step on toes which is already making me feel stressed. oh well. tomorrow is a new day.