I have been meaning to write a blog for a little while now just haven't had the time to sit down and do so. Which is odd considering all I have is free time on my hands. Go figure.. why is that? I mean I feel as though this is something that happens to more people than just me. When I have 6 things to do I get none of it done, and spend my day with, well I am not sure what. Browsing the Internet, bugging my mom, eating, sometimes reading, well mostly reading, and listening to new music. Tis odd.
So anyway, back to my blog point. I am reading this book called "The Me I want to Be" by John Ortberg, a book suggested to me by a friend many moons ago. I have finally finished the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series so that relationship is over and on to bigger and better things, such as finding out how to be the best me I can be. I read this rather large paragraph in the book the other day and it really struck a chord with me, and I felt like sharing. What better way then a blog. Guilt is the word that came to mind, probably something more people wouldn't admit after reading such a "in your face" paragraph. But as for me, i am defiantly guilty. YIKES. The paragraph is in relation to closing the gap that is between God and I.
"Sometimes we manage the gap by pretending. We learn to fake it. We speak as if we had had deeper spiritual experiences than we really have, as though our sin bother us more than it really does. We pray as though our voice is throbbing with an emotion that we really have to generate ourselves. Sometime we play spiritual musical chairs, always searching for a different church or tradition or spirituality that has the magic key. Some people flit from one spiritual experience to another, continually rededicating their lives to God and then falling away, hoping to recapture the emotions they felt when they first met God. Some people quietly, secretly give up. They still hope they will go to heaven when they die, but between now and then they have been disappointed too often to expect change anymore. They have gotten used to languishing."
Now, I don't believe that I personally walk around and have secretly gave up, but I do believe that sometimes I think there is a right and wrong way to worship Him and i get so caught up in that i start playing "musical chairs" with tradition and new techniques to grow closer to God. Not sure if i am making sense yet. But this i what i mean. That sometimes I have been guilty of faking it, probably just so people couldn't see the hurt or pain i was secretly going through and the internal battle of doing what is wrong when I know what's right. iIhave acted as though some sins have bothered me at the time, when really it didn't, because it is what i thought i should do to "fake" my Christianity. Now, this wasn't yesterday or anything, this has been over the last 6 years, but there comes a time when I must Stop. So that is where I am now, growing in my spiritual maturity so to speak. Realizing that when I say one thing and feel another God is not pleased, and I am not fooling Him. I can not fake it with Him. Do I think he only hears what i say and doesn't know how i feel? DUH He is ALL KNOWING. It was a hump that I needed to jump over and conquer, realizing that I needed to stop falling away and rededicating my life and get my act into gear. The last 6 months have been a doozy, but I am finally on the right side of that hump pushing forward.
This book, although only 5 chapters in, has been pretty unique in that it explains God doesn't want me to be anything else but ME. When I die He isn't going to tell me I wasn't more like Noah, Moses or Peter. He is going to ask me if I was the me HE created me to be. Sometimes we think that in order to grow closer to God we need to change who we are. No, I don't think that's it, we are already who we are, who God created us to be, we just need to close the gap and become a better version of ourselves.
It makes sense to me....
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