Try

A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if i had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? what if you're making a mistake you cant undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told, We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the dang poets urging us to seize the day! Still sometimes we have to see for yourselves, we have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons, we have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.

Pages of Life...

I'll tell you how the sun rose, a ribbon at a time....

Its a living book, this life; it folds out in a million settings, case with a billion beautiful characters, and it's almost over for you. Its doesn't matter how old you are; it is coming to a close quickly, and soon the credits will roll and all your friends will fold out of your funeral and drive back to their homes in cold and still and silence. And they will make a fire and pour some wine and think about how you once were... and feel a kind of sickness at the idea you never again will be.

So soon you will be in that part of the book where you are holding the bulk of the pages in your left hand, and only a thin wisp of the story in your right. You will know by the page count, not by the narrative, that the Author is wrapping things up. You being to mourn its ending, and want to pace yourself slowly toward its closure, knowing the last lines will speak of something beautiful, of the end of something long and earned, and you hope the thing closes out like last breaths, like whispers about how much and who the characters have come to love, and how authentic the sentiments feel when they have earned a hundred pages of qualification.

And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some Summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understand God. We get one story, you and I, and one story along. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?

Glimmer of hope...

So its been awhile, i haven't got much to say although much time has passed. Life truly is flying by in the blink of an eye these days.... we only have so much time on this earth!

Today i was thinking of all the amazing people i have in my life.. there are seriously so many. And i am very grateful, to God, my family and friends. For blessing me right and left with love, respect, memories, laughter and so forth........ the list could go on and on with the people i adore, i wouldn't know where to start, and more importantly i would have idea when to end that list....

As i enter into this holiday season i am humbled. I am also looking forward to what God has in store for my life, whatever it may be, tears or smiles..... its all part of this journey.

Disneyland Adventure.....

Whelp, i can think of no better time then now, when i feel as though i am on my death bed, to write about this past weekends adventure in Disneyland. I have a feeling Micky had something to do with my illness seeing as how a fellow traveler of mine, who also touch Micky is sick as well. I will show you this picture... Micky in the middle, Allison and I on the sides. Enough said.

So, as we beginning this adventure to the Happiest place on earth we first must get our tickets. You see, we found this place to get tickets for $60, instead of the usual $101. We had an appt at 8:45 to pick up the tickets, and so we were there promptly at 8:40. This is where the fun beginnings. There was a group of 3 other women, and a couple also waiting to get there tickets. They were there after us, but didn't seem to understand the concept of respect and wait for your turn. One of the women rudely blurted out "we have appointment!" and i believe all six of us said, SO DO WE. We were asked to wait outside because a group was already inside and one group at a time... so we did. we waited, and waited and finally we got in. So then Alli and i had to sit in this room with the other ladies to sign out the tickets, of course they didn't speak in English, so we assumed they were talking about us. Probably about how adorable we looked in Tye Dye. So we decided to text back and forth about how the girl of the couple was pacing in the hall way like she was about to go into labor. I mean really? Calm down!!!! So as Alli and i were chuckling we finally got our tickets but not without lots of laughter before.

So we are on our way to the park, but of COURSE there is a Marathon going on and of COURSE you can't exit off the normal Disneyland exit. So, more waiting. This time with some angry drivers who cut me off and honk their horn. "HELLO, do you not SEE the size of my 8 passenger burban that will crush your tiny Honda little girl?? Stop texting and pay attention!!!" So of course, we are humored. So finally we make a left, and find a vacant parking lot that belongs to this office building that is not opened on sundays. SO of course, lets park there. Its right across the street and really, who is going to complain? But just in case, i leave this happy little note... because hey, a heads up would be awfully nice! So did we get towed? Well you will just have to wait till the end of the blog to find out...

So finally, WE ARE IN. First mission, World of Color fast passes. 45 minutes later, mission accomplished. Second mission, obviously Micky ears, people NEED to know these tye dye shirts stand for something!! CHECK. Third mission, picture with Micky, which is conveniently located outside the Micky ears store. CHECK. (see picture above) Now, a ride? of course! So, after hours of waiting, some not so bright individuals and lots of laughter we hit up some rides! favorite of California adventure, Probably Tower of Terror. Alli had never been on it, which is neat. She had never been to Disneyland in general actually, just Disney World (spoiled) so it was all new to her! Allison was our Bride. P.S did i mention this whole trip was for a bachlorette party? If not, i just did.

This is us looking scared for the ride. Pretty fun. Did i mention this GIANT beetle that would NOT leave us alone in the Tower for Terror line!! Were we those girls who screamed and swatted at air, Yes. Were be probably annoying, Yes. If you would have seen the size of this thing you would of too, i can guarantee it. It liked the Tye Dye, seriously, it did. It found us in line even after we moved. Moving on....

We went on this rapid ride. Where you sit in a circle all looking at each other, thought it would be nice and refreshing, it was getting pretty hot. So we all sit and are getting excited, well we go down this slight downhill slope (not sure what else to call it) and the girls that were going backwards got SOAKED. Shawna, Alli and I on the other side weren't too bad. Just waist down really. Well as the ride keeps going and of course the raft keeps turning, we are about to go down another Downhill slope (i am beginning to think this is the technical term for it) that's TWICE as big. And of course, Alli and i end up backwards. So as females, we do what we know best, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, ahhhhhhhhhahahah, NOOOOOOOO"- this is a exact quote, from both of us, at the top of lungs. So what happened. A small squirt of water lands on my jean shorts. "we were perhaps a tad bit dramatic"-Allison. Yeah, she was right.

Then around 3:30 we head over to the magic kingdom, by this point we have been on every ride worth riding anyway in California adventure, Soaring over California is seriously the best. And we had not at this point sat down. We had though, eaten our lunch in line, so we were nourished.

To speed this story up lets just talk about how Space Mountain is the lamest for breaking, Splash Mountain is not fun when there is no Sun out, and Indian Jones is super awesome. So finally around 8:30 we decide to sit down and eat. Where, we ended up waiting in the longest line of the day. It was redunk how long it took for us to get food, and i was second in line. But we ate, and headed over to World of Color!!!! Waiting in line was amazing, because by this point 6 girls who had been practically running all day, and waiting all day, were officially what i like to call slap happy. Everything was funny. EVERYTHING. The lady in line that Couldn't control her balloon to the rather large and tall man that kept bending over in front of us and sticking his butt where it doesn't belong to the other man who kept taking off his shoes in front of us. REALLY SIR?? Your feet SMELL!! Then there was the Bachelor group with their matching wind breakers from Oregon and seemed to think Arizona was on the other side of New Mexico. I'm sorry did you graduate high school?

Then finally the coolest part of the day.

WORLD OF COLOR!!! It is so amazing. AMAZING! we were in the "wet zone" and i didn't notice till after the show how soaking wet we all were. But it was so awesome. GO GO GO (this is me telling YOU the reader to go)!! So finally, its about 11o'clock at night, and we had been going allllllll day. My feet were past the "oh they hurt a little" stage and into "i cant feel my feet they are killing me and my legs are numb" stage. So we decided to take the trek back to the car. Not without saying a prayer that it was still there. OF course to add some dramatic effect there was a huge fence in the way so you couldn't see where i parked till you turned the corner, and what do you know.. IT WAS THERE. i like to think they thought about towing it but because of my rather clever note they gave us a break.

Anyway, if anyone has read this whole thing you are amazing. Just like the weekend. Special shout out to my cousin who let us sleep in his living room, and mom who let us borrow the burban which we couldn't do the BURBAN SLIDE without.

As a side note this blog has major misspelling and grammatical errors and at time may not make sense. But i am sick, and i dont care. I am also to lazy to fix it.

Amen.

Musical Chairs

I have been meaning to write a blog for a little while now just haven't had the time to sit down and do so. Which is odd considering all I have is free time on my hands. Go figure.. why is that? I mean I feel as though this is something that happens to more people than just me. When I have 6 things to do I get none of it done, and spend my day with, well I am not sure what. Browsing the Internet, bugging my mom, eating, sometimes reading, well mostly reading, and listening to new music. Tis odd.

So anyway, back to my blog point. I am reading this book called "The Me I want to Be" by John Ortberg, a book suggested to me by a friend many moons ago. I have finally finished the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series so that relationship is over and on to bigger and better things, such as finding out how to be the best me I can be. I read this rather large paragraph in the book the other day and it really struck a chord with me, and I felt like sharing. What better way then a blog. Guilt is the word that came to mind, probably something more people wouldn't admit after reading such a "in your face" paragraph. But as for me, i am defiantly guilty. YIKES. The paragraph is in relation to closing the gap that is between God and I.

"Sometimes we manage the gap by pretending. We learn to fake it. We speak as if we had had deeper spiritual experiences than we really have, as though our sin bother us more than it really does. We pray as though our voice is throbbing with an emotion that we really have to generate ourselves. Sometime we play spiritual musical chairs, always searching for a different church or tradition or spirituality that has the magic key. Some people flit from one spiritual experience to another, continually rededicating their lives to God and then falling away, hoping to recapture the emotions they felt when they first met God. Some people quietly, secretly give up. They still hope they will go to heaven when they die, but between now and then they have been disappointed too often to expect change anymore. They have gotten used to languishing."

Now, I don't believe that I personally walk around and have secretly gave up, but I do believe that sometimes I think there is a right and wrong way to worship Him and i get so caught up in that i start playing "musical chairs" with tradition and new techniques to grow closer to God. Not sure if i am making sense yet. But this i what i mean. That sometimes I have been guilty of faking it, probably just so people couldn't see the hurt or pain i was secretly going through and the internal battle of doing what is wrong when I know what's right. iIhave acted as though some sins have bothered me at the time, when really it didn't, because it is what i thought i should do to "fake" my Christianity. Now, this wasn't yesterday or anything, this has been over the last 6 years, but there comes a time when I must Stop. So that is where I am now, growing in my spiritual maturity so to speak. Realizing that when I say one thing and feel another God is not pleased, and I am not fooling Him. I can not fake it with Him. Do I think he only hears what i say and doesn't know how i feel? DUH He is ALL KNOWING. It was a hump that I needed to jump over and conquer, realizing that I needed to stop falling away and rededicating my life and get my act into gear. The last 6 months have been a doozy, but I am finally on the right side of that hump pushing forward.

This book, although only 5 chapters in, has been pretty unique in that it explains God doesn't want me to be anything else but ME. When I die He isn't going to tell me I wasn't more like Noah, Moses or Peter. He is going to ask me if I was the me HE created me to be. Sometimes we think that in order to grow closer to God we need to change who we are. No, I don't think that's it, we are already who we are, who God created us to be, we just need to close the gap and become a better version of ourselves.

It makes sense to me....

Percy Jackson & The Olympians

Yep, that's right. I am reading the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series. The only sucky part is each book is only lasting me about a day or two. Already on the third one and i started last Thursday. This means one of two things.. they are that good and at a fourth grade reading level, or i have too much time on my hands. I am going to go with the first option.

So update. For starters, for the first time in a long time i am settling down. whoosh. I cant remember the last time i could say, this is where i am going to be and staying for the next year and a half. But tis true. I landed this super sweet coaching job that is going to test my patience, plus get me back into the volleyball world a little bit. i am coaching Freshman at Paradise Valley High School, cant remember if i discussed this is the last blog or not. I will have my official team by Thursday, but i really already have the girls picked out. I just got to give the new incoming freshman to the school chance to figure out there are tryouts and what not. This is going to be rough. I am used to girls with ability to play already.. these girls, out of 12 about 2 have played before. Yep, 2!!! When i say, "line up for serve receive" they look at me like i am growing a blueberry out of my forehead. Long story short, it is going to be a doozy, but i am excited.

For another update I applied, and was excepted to do a year internship at my home church here in the valley. CCV. I will be working in the children's ministry starting in Jan! This is such a huge opportunity for me to grow in so many different ways and i am so excited. The way this just worked i could really see God in it. There was a huge difference in this and the other things i was trying to do. I now know God really wants me to be right here with my family. It is amazing how quick things happened and i am ready to get started!

Anyway......................... that's that. just a bit of a update because i felt like blogging.

Also so you think you can dance is over. now i don't know what the heck i am going to do wed and Thursday nights. dang it.

Friendships...

Lately i have been wanting to write a blog about Friendships, i even wrote it on my to do list. Sadly that was a couple days ago and i really don't remember what exactly i wanted to write about on Friendships.... So why don't i just start writing and just hope something significant comes out of it.

I have as of late, come to the realization that some friends you just have to let go. I am the sort of person who actually values my friends, regardless of what he or she can do for me. When you are my friend i am going to call to see how you are, stay in touch, knit you scarves, listen when your angry, buy you dinner and so forth. When i say i want to hang out i want to hang out and not wait for a better option, when i say i will call later, i call later. I make my friends my priority, but too often i am finding myself as only their option. Its just super lame. I mean really, when will everyone just become adults? haha. When i am talking to you, and you give me a line of Bull, i KNOW you are giving me a line of bull. When you make excuses its embarrassing, wouldn't it be nice if we could all just be honest?

So i have decided that its okay to stand up for myself, to not put effort into "those" friendships anymore. Its a bit hard at first because you realize there is so much history with certain people and at times i feel like its a waste, how much effort i have put in, and for what, a bunch of pictures and a few stories? the answer is yes that's exactly it, and i need to be okay with that. The friendships i am making now at 25 have been more meaningful then any relationships i had before. Sometimes it just takes years to find the right friends, who value you as much as you them. I think a lot of people hit this point, when you realize you have nothing left to give............

I am back in AZ and for awhile. My sister is home, my brothers are home, and i am home and i couldn't be happier. I just need to be okay with my decision and hope that God has a plan for me right here in Glendale, AZ. I am now the freshman coach at Paradise Valley High School. That happened pretty quickly, and just a part time thing, and then we will see what else happens.

Today is Aug 1st and for the next 30 days i am trying this new thing. For 30 min everyday i am going to sit in prayer. A Time to talk with God, but for the entire 30 min i have to be smiling. I did it today, and it was interesting, because sometimes what we talk to God about is not necessarily the happiest of conversations. It was odd, i laughed a few times thinking how ridiculous this may be. But i honestly felt happier, and after i kept smiling for probably another hour... I am hoping to accomplish something from this, what, i am not so sure. I am really hoping my demeanour changes, that maybe i will actually start smiling more in my daily lifestyle... who knows........................................