First Church Talk Part 1

I decided to copy my first church talk i gave Jan 1st 2012, i read it word for word.. here is the first half.

Be Thou an Example of the Believers, in Word, in conversation, in Charity


1st Timothy 4:12

There is a story of a boy walking on the beach collecting sea shells. His hands are full of shells, when he sees a large starfish on a rock. Instead of running toward the starfish and grabbing it, he simply looks dismayed. When his parents ask what is wrong and why he doesn’t go get the starfish, he begins to cry, “My hands are full of sea shells and I can’t pick it up.”

Many times we are too busy picking up shells or those meaningless tasks or things in our lives that when we come across a divine opportunity, we may hesitate or miss it. I missed my starfish opportunity many times throughout my life because my hands were full of shells. What I was filling my life with, and what my priorities were, were keeping me from the truth. For me, my starfish was finding the true church on the earth today, therefore I was able to become an example to the people around me. But if it wasn’t for the example of my friends who I have met throughout my life, I may not have ever gotten the opportunity to do so.

The verse or topic I was asked to speak on today was from 1st Timothy 4:12. Paul writes to Timothy, “Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.” This is just as valid for us as it was then, we should all be good examples as the believers of Jesus Christ.

Being the oldest child of 4 I heard my whole life that I needed to “be an example” to my younger siblings. When I was younger I didn’t quite understand the truth or responsibility that comes with this, and after my parents said it I’d probably let out a big sigh and rolled my eyes. As an adult I now see how important it was to be a good example to the people around you. For me, right now it is even more important to be an example to my family.

My family are not members of the church, and quite frankly I don’t see it happening anytime soon. My mom and dad are the most hurt by my decision, which is very understandable. They have done a lot of research, and considering the resources they use, which used to be the ones I did, of course they would be a little freaked out. They attended a conference a couple months back called, “Should we be afraid of the Mormons?” I remember the stack of take away stuff they had, books and DVDs and they spent 3 days learning from someone how the Mormon religion was wrong.

Shortly after the conference my car broke and I remember sitting with my parents discussing my options when my dad looks straight at me and says, “Now Katie, I know that you car is an issue and you need a new one, but we need to talk about a bigger issue, and that’s your salvation.” Now, I get a nice little chuckle out of it, because let’s be honest, it sounds a bit dramatic. I remember I had tears in my eyes looking straight at my dad’s eyes and I told him that “I am not worried one bit about my salvation because I know what I believe is more true than anything. And that right now although the topic of my salvation is important to you, I know where I stand with my heavenly father.” Then my dad asked me to say the words out loud that I believe Joseph Smith was a true prophet and the book of Mormon was real. I looked him dead in the eyes again and said those exact words. You could see the panic in my father’s eyes. I think whatever was said at the conference scared him, but not as much as those words did.

The worst feeling is knowing those words, ones that are spoken so freely here, really hurt my dad. It is believing in something so strongly and loving and knowing it’s the right choice and the greatest thing in my life and not being able to share it with my family, and them finding what I know to be the greatest disappointment to them. But this is what I know, no words I say will ever make my father happy with my decision, but I hope that every single day as I grow stronger in my faith and the way I live my life, that will be the real testament I have for my family. By being an Example.

I was baptized this past Feb, on the 26th. I am coming up on my year anniversary and I can’t believe how much of my life has changed this past year. It is incredible how Heavenly Father works, and how fast. This time last year I was very frustrated with the bumps in the road in my life that were starting to make me question what I believed. I was working at CCV a church here in the valley that I attended for 13 years and was growing very unhappy and frustrated with the holes in the beliefs that I had. I had this thought: God had been putting a certain type of person in my life consistently throughout my life. My LDS friends, my LDS roommate in collage, my LDS boyfriends, My LDS childhood best friend, my LDS boss... and I had this question was God putting these people in my life to show me the truth, or was the adversary putting them in my life to make me question my beliefs?

I was thinking about that question daily. One day I was talking to a friend about the church and for the first time I was really listening to what he said. He was talking about if there could be Prophets on the earth today, and he said, “Why can’t that be true?” For the very first time in my life, and if any of you know me I need the last word and I can be very stubborn. But I did not have a single word to say back. I echoed the question in my head asking myself, “Why can’t this all be true?” Right then and there I knew that this was going to be the start of a wild ride. I am not sure that he knows the impact his conversation had on me but I am forever grateful for it and for the example he was to me that day.

Shortly after that I fasted for 24 hours to make a decision on whether to further my investigation in the church, and after that day I knew that I needed to take the lessons.

Going back a bit I remember my first conversations about the church starting my senior year of high school where I met one of my greatest friends. We used to sit on the phone and talk for hours about nothing and then on rare occasions we would have talks about the church and the different things we believed. If I am honest I don’t remember too much about those conversations other then they lasted hours, and that is where all the myths I had heard like “Mormons cant drink soda” where set straight. Through him I had met some of the greatest people I will ever know. It would be these friends, who had been the greatest example of the church and love, that I would turn too when I needed them most!

I remember calling a friend of mine when I decided to take the lessons. I knew he would be the one to turn too because he is the kind of guy that gets things done. Within an hour I had my first lesson set for that weekend. We decided to have it at my friend’s parent’s house, this same friend I used to spend hours on the phone with in high school 7 years earlier. Although I had now known him and his family for years, I’m quite sure I had never spoken more than a couple sentences being the very shy girl I can be to his parents, so this was going to be a brand new experience on many levels for me! I was nervous, but also very excited.

Every single lesson I was in a room surrounded by my friends and some of the greatest missionaries ever. For the first time this church was starting to make sense and I was starting to get scared. This for me was a life changing decision and I didn’t even have the guts to tell my parents I was taking the lessons. I remember when I finally told my parents I was taking the lessons it was a battle. My father said if I was learning about this religion I might as well learn about them all, because that was only fair. We obviously didn’t see eye to eye and I kept going to my lessons, all the while still working at CCV and trying really hard to avoid my parents. For awhile we tried to keep my lessons a little under wraps. It was very important to me that whatever decision I made was for myself because I knew it was the right one.

New Job

"I made the economic crisis my boyfriend"- Josh Terry

So as some of you know I started a new job recently.. this past Thursday to be exact. So far, i LOVE LOVE it. It is so perfect and I couldn't be more happy about it.

This past year I have been really stubborn with starting a job. I didn't want to get a job just to say I have a job. I wanted to start a career, in something I love. I suppose you could say I was being selfish about it. With this mentality it meant I had had to live penny to penny, dollar to dollar these past couple months. I didn't have an extra cent to spend on something other then bills and gas, so my shelf in the pantry has been a little bare for quite awhile. But when I got the call last Tuesday and was offered the position I couldn't have been more happier. I'd be lying if I said I didn't shed a little tear. I am so happy that I was stubborn and waited.

I am the Program Director for the Village Health & Spa.. or Sport Club out in Verrado. Its a little bit of a drive, so there is the possibility of a move, but I am not too worried about that right now, one thing at a time. For those that keep asking what it is I stole the summary of the job from the job posting.. so here is a little bit of what I will do.

Program Director

Job Summary:

Assist in the long-term retention of memberships by developing, implementing and managing member service programs and activities for existing member participation and to attract new members.

Summary Of Essential Functions:

· Attract and Retain members by consistently providing excellent customer service
· Oversee the aquatics programming, swim lessons and classes.
· Market and organize socials working directly with the Village staff or outside vendor as necessary.
· Place high emphasis on the importance of the social element which includes Assisting with Community Events by working closely with the Verrado Town Management/Verrado marketing Team/Raven Golf Club through interactive community programs such as Founders Weekend and Hometown Holidays also includes participation in planning and execution of club events as needed.
· Manage club calendars of events such as Verrado.net and dmbclubs.com
· Manage Facility Rentals for birthday parties, weddings, church functions and all other event rentals.
· Approachable management style which includes supervising and managing staff members, planning, assigning and direct work/projects, appraising performance, and annual individual/team goals
· Responsible for hiring, staffing, scheduling and training of department staff
· Prepare and manage departmental budget
· Works with all Department heads with all aspects of the club.
· Participates in the Manager on Duty System
· Participate in manager training programs as deemed necessary by General Manager



BOOM roasted.

2/26

Remember that one time I really wanted to post a blog and I had no idea what to write! Is this because I have nothing interesting to say… or because I have nothing interesting to say? Probably a little of both..
Today marked the one year anniversary of me being baptized a huge legit MORMON. Oh boy. That word sure does scare people off... its amazing what saying you’re a Mormon does instantly to peoples opinion of you. It is amazing what that word used to do to me. I honestly sometimes can’t believe I fell for all this hoop-la, but I did, I totally did. You cannot deny the spirit when you truly ask for the answer, you just can’t, and I didn’t.
Things this last year have been incredible. The places I have been and the people I have meet are some of the most kind, friendly, honest, and honorable people ever. There was never denying Mormons where the best people on the planet, even when I thought the worst of the church, but they were, and they are. It is amazing the sense of security I feel now, and how honest, friendly, kind and honorable I want to be every single day. I have never known something so strongly…
I feel as though my growth as a person has been huge. I have always had trouble with being a bit of an introvert and very shy, and people mistaking me for mean or intimidating. But I can honestly say I have tried changing my attitude this last year, and sometime without even trying. When the spirit takes over you can’t help but have a glow and a kind heart. I have seen it in my friends and those recent converts as well, and more importantly I have seen the change in myself.
I have been able to see my friends be baptized, listen to many inspiration speakers, take the best nap of my life during general conference, live with some sweet roommates, visit Utah (mother ship) for the first time, Visit and see 10 temples, get myself a super cute and super awesome boyfriend, new job and school opportunities, and develop lifelong friendships. I also starting watching the bachelor for the first time ever… not sure if that’s an regret yet, depends on who he picks.
Sometimes I think blogs need to be these profound things with quotable sentences or crazy stories that you just can’t believe are true (Scott, but I know they all are true). But I suppose a blog is just thoughts, written down.. For your friends to read. So that’s that.

opps

So say it has been awhile is a bit of an understatement.... But i have been meaning to get back in the blogging world. Not like i was totally proactive in the first place.. but ya know.

Many things have changed..

1. moved in with some sweet roommates.
2. new jobs
3. new friends
4. new hair
5. ...... and i'm a mormon. (not even kidding)

well... this is my update, for now. I'll probably write something amazing and life changing later. But for now, "that ul do pig, that ul do."

fairy tale...

You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, a white dress, and prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lay in bed at night and close yours eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming... they were all so close you could taste them. But eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is, it's hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.

At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. Its life.... and one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different then you dreamed. The castle, well it may not be a castle. And its not so important, that happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See, once in awhile, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you, and once in awhile people may even take your breath away.

Try

A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if i had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? what if you're making a mistake you cant undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told, We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the dang poets urging us to seize the day! Still sometimes we have to see for yourselves, we have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons, we have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.

Pages of Life...

I'll tell you how the sun rose, a ribbon at a time....

Its a living book, this life; it folds out in a million settings, case with a billion beautiful characters, and it's almost over for you. Its doesn't matter how old you are; it is coming to a close quickly, and soon the credits will roll and all your friends will fold out of your funeral and drive back to their homes in cold and still and silence. And they will make a fire and pour some wine and think about how you once were... and feel a kind of sickness at the idea you never again will be.

So soon you will be in that part of the book where you are holding the bulk of the pages in your left hand, and only a thin wisp of the story in your right. You will know by the page count, not by the narrative, that the Author is wrapping things up. You being to mourn its ending, and want to pace yourself slowly toward its closure, knowing the last lines will speak of something beautiful, of the end of something long and earned, and you hope the thing closes out like last breaths, like whispers about how much and who the characters have come to love, and how authentic the sentiments feel when they have earned a hundred pages of qualification.

And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some Summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understand God. We get one story, you and I, and one story along. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?

Glimmer of hope...

So its been awhile, i haven't got much to say although much time has passed. Life truly is flying by in the blink of an eye these days.... we only have so much time on this earth!

Today i was thinking of all the amazing people i have in my life.. there are seriously so many. And i am very grateful, to God, my family and friends. For blessing me right and left with love, respect, memories, laughter and so forth........ the list could go on and on with the people i adore, i wouldn't know where to start, and more importantly i would have idea when to end that list....

As i enter into this holiday season i am humbled. I am also looking forward to what God has in store for my life, whatever it may be, tears or smiles..... its all part of this journey.

Disneyland Adventure.....

Whelp, i can think of no better time then now, when i feel as though i am on my death bed, to write about this past weekends adventure in Disneyland. I have a feeling Micky had something to do with my illness seeing as how a fellow traveler of mine, who also touch Micky is sick as well. I will show you this picture... Micky in the middle, Allison and I on the sides. Enough said.

So, as we beginning this adventure to the Happiest place on earth we first must get our tickets. You see, we found this place to get tickets for $60, instead of the usual $101. We had an appt at 8:45 to pick up the tickets, and so we were there promptly at 8:40. This is where the fun beginnings. There was a group of 3 other women, and a couple also waiting to get there tickets. They were there after us, but didn't seem to understand the concept of respect and wait for your turn. One of the women rudely blurted out "we have appointment!" and i believe all six of us said, SO DO WE. We were asked to wait outside because a group was already inside and one group at a time... so we did. we waited, and waited and finally we got in. So then Alli and i had to sit in this room with the other ladies to sign out the tickets, of course they didn't speak in English, so we assumed they were talking about us. Probably about how adorable we looked in Tye Dye. So we decided to text back and forth about how the girl of the couple was pacing in the hall way like she was about to go into labor. I mean really? Calm down!!!! So as Alli and i were chuckling we finally got our tickets but not without lots of laughter before.

So we are on our way to the park, but of COURSE there is a Marathon going on and of COURSE you can't exit off the normal Disneyland exit. So, more waiting. This time with some angry drivers who cut me off and honk their horn. "HELLO, do you not SEE the size of my 8 passenger burban that will crush your tiny Honda little girl?? Stop texting and pay attention!!!" So of course, we are humored. So finally we make a left, and find a vacant parking lot that belongs to this office building that is not opened on sundays. SO of course, lets park there. Its right across the street and really, who is going to complain? But just in case, i leave this happy little note... because hey, a heads up would be awfully nice! So did we get towed? Well you will just have to wait till the end of the blog to find out...

So finally, WE ARE IN. First mission, World of Color fast passes. 45 minutes later, mission accomplished. Second mission, obviously Micky ears, people NEED to know these tye dye shirts stand for something!! CHECK. Third mission, picture with Micky, which is conveniently located outside the Micky ears store. CHECK. (see picture above) Now, a ride? of course! So, after hours of waiting, some not so bright individuals and lots of laughter we hit up some rides! favorite of California adventure, Probably Tower of Terror. Alli had never been on it, which is neat. She had never been to Disneyland in general actually, just Disney World (spoiled) so it was all new to her! Allison was our Bride. P.S did i mention this whole trip was for a bachlorette party? If not, i just did.

This is us looking scared for the ride. Pretty fun. Did i mention this GIANT beetle that would NOT leave us alone in the Tower for Terror line!! Were we those girls who screamed and swatted at air, Yes. Were be probably annoying, Yes. If you would have seen the size of this thing you would of too, i can guarantee it. It liked the Tye Dye, seriously, it did. It found us in line even after we moved. Moving on....

We went on this rapid ride. Where you sit in a circle all looking at each other, thought it would be nice and refreshing, it was getting pretty hot. So we all sit and are getting excited, well we go down this slight downhill slope (not sure what else to call it) and the girls that were going backwards got SOAKED. Shawna, Alli and I on the other side weren't too bad. Just waist down really. Well as the ride keeps going and of course the raft keeps turning, we are about to go down another Downhill slope (i am beginning to think this is the technical term for it) that's TWICE as big. And of course, Alli and i end up backwards. So as females, we do what we know best, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, ahhhhhhhhhahahah, NOOOOOOOO"- this is a exact quote, from both of us, at the top of lungs. So what happened. A small squirt of water lands on my jean shorts. "we were perhaps a tad bit dramatic"-Allison. Yeah, she was right.

Then around 3:30 we head over to the magic kingdom, by this point we have been on every ride worth riding anyway in California adventure, Soaring over California is seriously the best. And we had not at this point sat down. We had though, eaten our lunch in line, so we were nourished.

To speed this story up lets just talk about how Space Mountain is the lamest for breaking, Splash Mountain is not fun when there is no Sun out, and Indian Jones is super awesome. So finally around 8:30 we decide to sit down and eat. Where, we ended up waiting in the longest line of the day. It was redunk how long it took for us to get food, and i was second in line. But we ate, and headed over to World of Color!!!! Waiting in line was amazing, because by this point 6 girls who had been practically running all day, and waiting all day, were officially what i like to call slap happy. Everything was funny. EVERYTHING. The lady in line that Couldn't control her balloon to the rather large and tall man that kept bending over in front of us and sticking his butt where it doesn't belong to the other man who kept taking off his shoes in front of us. REALLY SIR?? Your feet SMELL!! Then there was the Bachelor group with their matching wind breakers from Oregon and seemed to think Arizona was on the other side of New Mexico. I'm sorry did you graduate high school?

Then finally the coolest part of the day.

WORLD OF COLOR!!! It is so amazing. AMAZING! we were in the "wet zone" and i didn't notice till after the show how soaking wet we all were. But it was so awesome. GO GO GO (this is me telling YOU the reader to go)!! So finally, its about 11o'clock at night, and we had been going allllllll day. My feet were past the "oh they hurt a little" stage and into "i cant feel my feet they are killing me and my legs are numb" stage. So we decided to take the trek back to the car. Not without saying a prayer that it was still there. OF course to add some dramatic effect there was a huge fence in the way so you couldn't see where i parked till you turned the corner, and what do you know.. IT WAS THERE. i like to think they thought about towing it but because of my rather clever note they gave us a break.

Anyway, if anyone has read this whole thing you are amazing. Just like the weekend. Special shout out to my cousin who let us sleep in his living room, and mom who let us borrow the burban which we couldn't do the BURBAN SLIDE without.

As a side note this blog has major misspelling and grammatical errors and at time may not make sense. But i am sick, and i dont care. I am also to lazy to fix it.

Amen.

Musical Chairs

I have been meaning to write a blog for a little while now just haven't had the time to sit down and do so. Which is odd considering all I have is free time on my hands. Go figure.. why is that? I mean I feel as though this is something that happens to more people than just me. When I have 6 things to do I get none of it done, and spend my day with, well I am not sure what. Browsing the Internet, bugging my mom, eating, sometimes reading, well mostly reading, and listening to new music. Tis odd.

So anyway, back to my blog point. I am reading this book called "The Me I want to Be" by John Ortberg, a book suggested to me by a friend many moons ago. I have finally finished the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series so that relationship is over and on to bigger and better things, such as finding out how to be the best me I can be. I read this rather large paragraph in the book the other day and it really struck a chord with me, and I felt like sharing. What better way then a blog. Guilt is the word that came to mind, probably something more people wouldn't admit after reading such a "in your face" paragraph. But as for me, i am defiantly guilty. YIKES. The paragraph is in relation to closing the gap that is between God and I.

"Sometimes we manage the gap by pretending. We learn to fake it. We speak as if we had had deeper spiritual experiences than we really have, as though our sin bother us more than it really does. We pray as though our voice is throbbing with an emotion that we really have to generate ourselves. Sometime we play spiritual musical chairs, always searching for a different church or tradition or spirituality that has the magic key. Some people flit from one spiritual experience to another, continually rededicating their lives to God and then falling away, hoping to recapture the emotions they felt when they first met God. Some people quietly, secretly give up. They still hope they will go to heaven when they die, but between now and then they have been disappointed too often to expect change anymore. They have gotten used to languishing."

Now, I don't believe that I personally walk around and have secretly gave up, but I do believe that sometimes I think there is a right and wrong way to worship Him and i get so caught up in that i start playing "musical chairs" with tradition and new techniques to grow closer to God. Not sure if i am making sense yet. But this i what i mean. That sometimes I have been guilty of faking it, probably just so people couldn't see the hurt or pain i was secretly going through and the internal battle of doing what is wrong when I know what's right. iIhave acted as though some sins have bothered me at the time, when really it didn't, because it is what i thought i should do to "fake" my Christianity. Now, this wasn't yesterday or anything, this has been over the last 6 years, but there comes a time when I must Stop. So that is where I am now, growing in my spiritual maturity so to speak. Realizing that when I say one thing and feel another God is not pleased, and I am not fooling Him. I can not fake it with Him. Do I think he only hears what i say and doesn't know how i feel? DUH He is ALL KNOWING. It was a hump that I needed to jump over and conquer, realizing that I needed to stop falling away and rededicating my life and get my act into gear. The last 6 months have been a doozy, but I am finally on the right side of that hump pushing forward.

This book, although only 5 chapters in, has been pretty unique in that it explains God doesn't want me to be anything else but ME. When I die He isn't going to tell me I wasn't more like Noah, Moses or Peter. He is going to ask me if I was the me HE created me to be. Sometimes we think that in order to grow closer to God we need to change who we are. No, I don't think that's it, we are already who we are, who God created us to be, we just need to close the gap and become a better version of ourselves.

It makes sense to me....

Percy Jackson & The Olympians

Yep, that's right. I am reading the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series. The only sucky part is each book is only lasting me about a day or two. Already on the third one and i started last Thursday. This means one of two things.. they are that good and at a fourth grade reading level, or i have too much time on my hands. I am going to go with the first option.

So update. For starters, for the first time in a long time i am settling down. whoosh. I cant remember the last time i could say, this is where i am going to be and staying for the next year and a half. But tis true. I landed this super sweet coaching job that is going to test my patience, plus get me back into the volleyball world a little bit. i am coaching Freshman at Paradise Valley High School, cant remember if i discussed this is the last blog or not. I will have my official team by Thursday, but i really already have the girls picked out. I just got to give the new incoming freshman to the school chance to figure out there are tryouts and what not. This is going to be rough. I am used to girls with ability to play already.. these girls, out of 12 about 2 have played before. Yep, 2!!! When i say, "line up for serve receive" they look at me like i am growing a blueberry out of my forehead. Long story short, it is going to be a doozy, but i am excited.

For another update I applied, and was excepted to do a year internship at my home church here in the valley. CCV. I will be working in the children's ministry starting in Jan! This is such a huge opportunity for me to grow in so many different ways and i am so excited. The way this just worked i could really see God in it. There was a huge difference in this and the other things i was trying to do. I now know God really wants me to be right here with my family. It is amazing how quick things happened and i am ready to get started!

Anyway......................... that's that. just a bit of a update because i felt like blogging.

Also so you think you can dance is over. now i don't know what the heck i am going to do wed and Thursday nights. dang it.

Friendships...

Lately i have been wanting to write a blog about Friendships, i even wrote it on my to do list. Sadly that was a couple days ago and i really don't remember what exactly i wanted to write about on Friendships.... So why don't i just start writing and just hope something significant comes out of it.

I have as of late, come to the realization that some friends you just have to let go. I am the sort of person who actually values my friends, regardless of what he or she can do for me. When you are my friend i am going to call to see how you are, stay in touch, knit you scarves, listen when your angry, buy you dinner and so forth. When i say i want to hang out i want to hang out and not wait for a better option, when i say i will call later, i call later. I make my friends my priority, but too often i am finding myself as only their option. Its just super lame. I mean really, when will everyone just become adults? haha. When i am talking to you, and you give me a line of Bull, i KNOW you are giving me a line of bull. When you make excuses its embarrassing, wouldn't it be nice if we could all just be honest?

So i have decided that its okay to stand up for myself, to not put effort into "those" friendships anymore. Its a bit hard at first because you realize there is so much history with certain people and at times i feel like its a waste, how much effort i have put in, and for what, a bunch of pictures and a few stories? the answer is yes that's exactly it, and i need to be okay with that. The friendships i am making now at 25 have been more meaningful then any relationships i had before. Sometimes it just takes years to find the right friends, who value you as much as you them. I think a lot of people hit this point, when you realize you have nothing left to give............

I am back in AZ and for awhile. My sister is home, my brothers are home, and i am home and i couldn't be happier. I just need to be okay with my decision and hope that God has a plan for me right here in Glendale, AZ. I am now the freshman coach at Paradise Valley High School. That happened pretty quickly, and just a part time thing, and then we will see what else happens.

Today is Aug 1st and for the next 30 days i am trying this new thing. For 30 min everyday i am going to sit in prayer. A Time to talk with God, but for the entire 30 min i have to be smiling. I did it today, and it was interesting, because sometimes what we talk to God about is not necessarily the happiest of conversations. It was odd, i laughed a few times thinking how ridiculous this may be. But i honestly felt happier, and after i kept smiling for probably another hour... I am hoping to accomplish something from this, what, i am not so sure. I am really hoping my demeanour changes, that maybe i will actually start smiling more in my daily lifestyle... who knows........................................

Lots of things....

California is a beautiful place. Many times i sit and stare, thinking about the weather, the ocean, riding my bike, wishing i just had a million trillion dollars so everyday i could ride down to the beach, read, pray, eat and spend the rest of the day with people. I have spent most of my life thinking i am not a people person, but i beginning to think that's not true. I am learning to love relationships with people. They can effect so much of your life, what you do, say and how you feel. I think this might be because at 24 years old i have found friends. Real friends. I love my family and really cant imagine living in a place without them, and i do miss them dearly when i am away. But then again.... California is a beautiful place.......

I am going to spend the next weekish traveling around California seeing some friends, family until back to Arizona at the end of next week. I have a lot to think about. My life keeps taking this wild turns where again i have packed my car and pretty much living out of it minus the fact that i have friends houses to sleep in. This seems to happen quite often to me, i spent significant time laughing about that today with a friend. People get married, have babies start careers and my constant is living out of a car. ha. Oh life.

I am wondering where God wants me, where he is going to take me next. I am ready for anything. I was discussing today about the second coming. It could happen any day. Why am i not shouting at the rooftops trying to witness to people, where is my urgency? where is any ones urgency? Sometimes i act like we have all the time in the world to find Jesus Christ as our personal savior.... but this isn't true. Nothing is guaranteed. I believe this is something my dad says..... This conversation was brought on of course by first talking about death. Living with my grandparents has brought me face to face with the idea and reality of death. We had our neighbor die Tuesday morning. I couldn't believe it, it really happens, our earthly life really ends, and quicker then we know it. I think we spend so much of our life worrying and over thinking and before we know it it has passed us by........ when do i stop trying to run my life and give it over to God and really start living for Him.......... hmmmm... just thoughts really. Jumbled together....

Anyway... of to reality (college church group in carpenteria cali) tonight with my bud. I missed reality... its a great church doing great things. I enjoyed my weekends at rock harbor, also a terrific church. Excited to head back to CCV............. Also really would like to take the missions trip to Austria. I should just do it and stop talking about it. Give it to God.


blah.

The girl with the.......

So here is my issue. I was supposed to be starting this blogging series on Crazy Love.... the issue, that i also started the book The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo at the same time. Obviously a book i didn't know i would like as much as i did, then need to read the following two books after that. The good news. I am halfway done with the 3rd book, it has taken me about 2 weeks to get through them. Yippee. At least i think its good news, so then i can start Crazy Love fresh. As my mom stated this weekends its not a book you can just read a few chapters and put down. It takes awhile. This was encouraging. Because its true, this is not a book i want to fly through. Take in each sections slowly, and understand what i am reading. Good times.
So in that case i will update the 3 of you that read this on my life's happenings.
First off Happy Late 4Th of July. I spent this year with a couple girl friends down in Newport Beach. Probably wont be doing that again, so many crazy people. Something to do once, and probably not again. Many highlights from that short 2 day vacation i took with the girls. It was a great time, and a nice break. But it did take me the whole day today to recover. Apparently my grandparents were recovering from something too because we all spent all day in our pj's.
It is getting so much better living with them. I enjoy it. I enjoy most making dinner then sitting and talking for at least an hour after hearing stories, who did what, where it all happened. The simplest of stories. Hopefully i will have another couple weeks here then who knows whats in store for me.
I had 2 interviews in Texas this past week. I will find out and make decisions on those within the next two weeks. Its just interesting where life's brings you. Its never quite where you plan. I am enjoying it but at the same time i am ready to start something new, fresh and something i can be doing for a long time. I don't care where, that's all up to God. Putting myself in His hands.

anyway, i am off. Got a new watch and it is awesome. ask anyone.

crazy love: preface

When preparing to read a book like Crazy Love there are a few musts. first, is prayer. for God to open my heart and for my mind to understand the words on the page, and to begin to understand more of who God is, and who i am. second, no distractions. This is the hard coming from the person who forgets what i am saying as it is coming out of my mouth sometimes. A.D.D to the Max... a Kleenex can be a distraction. Third, my notebook, bible, and comfy cloths. this is a must. fourth, silence. so i have nothing but my thoughts.

The preface opens with a quote.. "to just read the bible, attend church, and avoid "big" sins-- is this passionate, wholehearted love for God? I read this a few times, it took me awhile to really realize what it was asking exactly. To me it says just because we go to church, read the bible and don't rob a bank does that mean we have a personal relationship of our father?

I filled out a couple application these past couple days and i kept seeing the same question over and over. Asking, what is a christian, how does one become a christian? and i thought about that question, before putting what i believed. That anybody can call themselves a christian, and almost anybody does. Its true! I think that in some way calling yourself a "christian" is different then having a personal one on one relationship with God. is this making sense? maybe only in my head. Sometimes we can get so caught up in going to church, singing worship songs, reading the bible... in the "doing" part of it that we forget to stop and have a personal relationship with him. We want so badly as humans, i believe, to be loved, to have relationships with people. Meeting at coffee houses to talk about life, going out on a friday night with friends, dating, joining clubs........ should we not want that same desire with God? I know i lack that, most of the time i get so caught up in my earthly friends i forget about the one relationship that counts the most, with my Creator.

I believe the preface throws it all out there, so i know what i am getting myself into. If you don't agree with this, you might not continue reading. I have no doubt that if i "...surrender myself totally to Gods purposes He will bring me the most pleasure in this life and the next."


I think Chan says some memorable things throughout the preface:

"i think its far to easy to blame the American church without acknowledging that we are each part of the church and therefore responsible."

"... to be a part of a body where radical living is part of the norm."

"we forget that God never had a identity crisis." ---classic!

" come with me on this journey. I dont promose it will not be painless, change, as we all know, is uncomfortable. It is up to you to respons to what you read. But you will have a choice: to adjust how you live daily or to stay the same. "

Potato Chips and Reeses Peanut Butter Cups

Well i am almost done reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson. It is pretty good. I enjoy is, but then again i enjoy most books, but i would recommend this to any readers really. So then i can start reading Crazy Love, the reason why i started this blog in the first place. So that i could share my thoughts and feelings about it with friends and my MOTHER.
But until then i can talk about life.
After my little mishap i was shooting the breeze with my friend Mike, and he asked me two questions. Could it get any worse? and Are you exercising? my answers were no and no. So of course i joined a gym. Not only so i could get out of the house for a good two hours. But also because its true, you really are happier when you are exercising. And i have worked out for the last 2 days and it defiantly made a difference.
Today was good. Our original caregiver Timbo from Africa cant come on Mondays and Fridays anymore so there is another boy names Frank, he is 21 and the sticker on his car says "I love Stoner Girls." obviously my grandparents would never notice that. Or the fact that he spends way to long in the bathroom. haha.
Today i made my grandpa a sandwich again, with this potato chips that he loved yesterday. He says, "Gosh, I just cant get over how good these chips are!" as he was eating his lunch. it was so funny to me. He practically yelled it.
Then later i ate a mini Reese's peanut butter cup that my grandma eats all day, and we looked up how many calories were in them, 220 per serving. So now my grandmother is so sad. she cant believe it and was floored and then said, "no wonder i am tired, those aren't good for me." ha. DUH. :). She brought it up 4 more times throughout the day. But today was good.
Good workout. I can shower there and not have to worry about showering here where there is only a bath.

So anyway, today i had the moment of just throwing up my hands because life is so truley unpredicatable. I mean really. its almost insane how much i try to plan and God's plans just always get in the way. ha. So i had an idea. I went to ASU to presue recreation because there was a certian job that i enjoyed doing, and somewhere i lost that. So today i remembered that and started applying, and am in a bit of communication with a few places, just some emails. I can only do so much work and God will do the rest. So who knows what the future holds.

anyway. that's all.

1 Tim 4:5

Today was Rough. I know what you're thinking, what could i possibly have to say!? But tis true, there is more.

Today i woke up to the sounds of many voices around. I am a pretty observant person and i know that my grandma is very overwhelmed with life and just extremely tired. For the last 3 months she has been driving back and forth from the hospital staying there all day, then coming home at night, just to turn around and do it again. I would be tired, anyone would be. imagine being 80 something and problems of your own. needless to say, shes exhausted.

So as i hear grandpa is leaving on his walk i go out because some people had left. Well, my grandmother in a panic started to yell at me to put it plainly. Remember those combs i cleaned out, well i left the ones that where on the counter out, and had cleaned the other 34 that were stuffed in draws. Well apparently ONE of those combs was his favorite. She found it, so all was fine, but it gave her the chance to say to me what she wants to say to everyone else. So of course i tried to explain to her that she knows that's not true, and i am the last person that is here to order her around and tell her she is doing a bad job. Then i walked away.

and cried, for i don't know, what seemed like hours. My Uncle showed up with 3 of his girls, i wanted to be happy but man it was bad timing. So he figured out something was wrong with Grandma and talked to her, then came to find me crying in my room. He talked to me, and my Aunt came in to talk to me and tell me to not worry about it, and some other stuff but i don't want to make this a novel.

My grandma came in later to apologize. She felt awful, and i explained to her that i am not here for grandpa, that's what the caregiver is for, i am just here to help her get some rest, clean, cook if they need that so in a month when i leave it will make her life that much easier. and she knew that, she is just so tired. My uncle told her she could probably sleep for 3 days at this point. insert more crying here.

So therefore i left to go over to my uncles house and hang with his family, my 4 cousins and my Aunt. Plus her two sisters came over and some other family for fathers day. We ate, played apples to apples, which is fun, and just chatted. It was nice to get out of the house, but i was in a pretty somber mood the whole day. What is it that my uncle said to me, "no good deed goes unpunished."

oh boy. So yeah. Today has been tough. I am still sort of in a mood... maybe because now i don't feel comfortable with a lot of things. I overheard my grandma saying she didn't want to lose me, which she wont but now its trying extra hard not to step on toes which is already making me feel stressed. oh well. tomorrow is a new day.

Unique New York

So i made it to California. This is good news. And every since i got here its been go go go. I arrived Tuesday night and right away my Aunt Sharron and i started to clean out some of the food cabinets. Go ahead and ask if we found cans that expired in 2005, because the answer would be yes. Needless to say, i sure have my work cut out for me.

My grandpa came home for the first time in three months on Wednesday morning, in tow was our caregiver Jimbo! A very nice man from Africa. Its humorous watching grandpa trying to understand what he says sometimes with his thick accent. I giggle.

I left Wednesday afternoon because i figured with grandpa coming home and getting used to a new caregiver, getting out of sight was the best thing i could do! So that's just what i did. I headed up to Ventura with a pit stop along the way for some Mexican food, walking, and a tour of the Fuller Campus in Pasadena by my Friend Tad Klein.. shout out. That's my besty's brother... Miss Allison Klein. She will probably try her hardest until the day she dies for us to get married. ha ha.

Anyway, after that i went straight to my first ever ULTRA SOUND appt (da da da) for my other Besty Miss Noel Young. She my friends, is 3 months prego with what he hope is a boy, but will also try really hard to love if its a girl (hehe). JK.. OBVIOUSLY. geez. I caught about 9 flies in my mouth at that appt because i was floored. Did you know ultra sounds were like video and you could see the baby move?? i mean i didn't know what to expect but it was crazy exciting. Booya.
Then Noel, her mom, and went to souplantation, and watched so you think you can dance to round off a fantastic night.

wrap this up KATIE! alright...

so then next day i went and saw some peeps from my internship at the Navy Base. Lunch at Nap's... chicken Cesar wrap with fries.. heaven. Heard some new drama, i mean NEWS. And that pretty much summed up that.

Then went to dinner with my bud Zack and watched the Smakers (lakers) win.. ugh. Honestly, someone just take a foul and punch Kobe in the face. Amen.

Anyway, then i got to spend the day with Noel today, and pamper her, i love pampering friends. Especially ones that deserve it! Good Talk.

Anyway... i am back.. with my grandparents. Made them some dinner, and cleaned out the bathroom draws. 6 tubes of used toothpaste, 845 band aids, 78 black combs... and i am NOT joking NOR over exaggerating. Tis True. Now i lie in my doll sized twin bed, making a grocery list, and also a life list for the next week. I love list. Nothing better then crossing off lists. Oh man.

Who knows whats gonna happen tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after yesterday. its in Gods hands, that's for sure.
But for now i am happy.

until i have something else to say........ Night!

Sidetracked...

Whelp, i should be doing homework.
But obviously that's not happening!!

I packed all day today, moving back to CALI tomm morning.
Pretty excited to get out of the June Gloom Heat and be near the beach.
My sanctuary.
Its been a long day, but i got a lot done.
Room all packed up and except for my 285 books there is almost no trace of me.

It was so great that Dianne, Sheree and Derra came over.....
those girls are awesome beyond belief and all in their own unique ways.
So happy i can call them friends.

Anyway... Off to Neverland.

first blog

Alright, that's a lie. This isn't my first blog... i have had to do a few for classes, but those are boring ones. This one, this is for fun. Do i want people to read it, eh. I constantly catch myself reading blogs of people i don't even know..... why do we do that? and yes, i say WE because i know I'm not the only guilty party here. Although i feel like i need to be married or have a family of my own to have one of these blogs......... or probably some very insightful wisdom about life, God or love. But i don't really have any of that... but i do have sarcasm. And a lot of it.

How about i start with something of substance. My brother just left for Africa. 18 years old and on a missions trip, raised 3 grand by himself... what a little go getter. its insane.. i constantly say i want to do things like that and my little brother decides and then he does it. I am obviously missing a step. He just graduated high school, and i find myself constantly looking at my brother these days and realizing what a Man he is. I want to be just like him. He is kind, caring, clumsy, smart, outgoing, sure of himself, and a man of God. Who wouldn't want to be that?

Anyway, i find if you keep blogs short people will actually read them.

Did i even say anything important. Nope.

thanks for participating.